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Wednesday, November 09, 2005

 

The Ravens Suck

Okay - I know it's been a while since my last blog, and to be honest with you, this one's not going to be much, so not only do I apologize in advance, but I will go the extra mile and promise you a blog soon filled with humor, philosophy, grace, and maybe even a few four letter words.

But for now, let's just say this - The Baltimore Ravens Suck. I mean they really suck.

But why the hell do I care? I am much more interested in music than sports. Football is a bunch of grown men knocking each other to the ground in a display of total chaos. Music is beautiful, soothing, energizing, invigorating, filled with expression, occasionally thought provoking, and just in general brings joy to my life. Hell, even depressing music brings joy to my life. As a matter of fact, music, both listening and playing, pretty much controls my being. (Well, that and sex, but my kids may be reading this.)

Last Sunday I went to a football game in the afternoon (the embarrassing trouncing of The Ravens by The Bengals) and attended a concert that night (the ever blossoming band Guster) and I gotta tell you, there was no comparison between the two events. Music rules. Football can be fun, but not this year if you live in Baltimore.

Sure - we won The Super Bowl in 2000 (I think) - but right now The Ravens would have a tough time beating Cal State Fullerton. Why?

- Our star running back Jamal Lewis hasn't been the same since he returned from jail (a common theme with The Ravens)

- Our starting quarterback (Kyle Boller) is injured, and Anthony Wright, his replacement, apparently couldn't pass the peripheral vision test at the MVA (or, as it may be called in your state, the DMV).

- Kyle Boller sucks anyway, but manages to keep his job because the chicks think he is hot

- Our bonafide star, linebacker Ray Lewis, is not only injured, but even when healthy may be spending too much time worrying about his highly successful barbecue restaurant and how to do that silly dance he does when introduced during the pre-game ceremonies to actually concentrate on football.

- His protege, Ed Reed, decided to get injured too so that they could spend more time together on the sidelines.

- The head coach, Brian Billick, is so damn stubborn he refuses to make any changes no matter how bad his initial decisions were. This, in my opinion, is the worst part of all. C'mon Brian - don't stick with it if it isn't working!!

But here is the thing that really gets me pissed off. When The Ravens built their new stadium, in order to get season tickets, you had to buy these things called PSLs - one for each seat that you have. That's right - just for the opportunity to purchase season tickets for $150 a pop, you have to spend over a grand per seat - to have the right to do it! What a racket!! Plus, you have to buy the tickets to the lame-ass pre-season games at FULL PRICE! So technically, you own the seats (although I don't think they would let you take them home) and then are forced to buy season tickets. If you don't, they can take away your PSLs, so you don't really own them anyway. Whoever thought of that system is a friggin' genius!

Of course, all of this wouldn't be so bad if The Ravens didn't suck. But I'm afraid they do.

Okay - at least there will always be good concerts on the horizon, like Ben Folds and Ben Kweller, who are both coming up soon. And there's always Maryland basketball.

See you soon-
Rich

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