How likeable are you?
It seems as though the more likeable you are as a dentist and as a human, the more successful you will be. In this episode we share some great techniques on how to get people NOT to like you. Then you decide and take it from there!
Dr. David Madow: Hey there and welcome back to the Dental Practice Fixers, I am your co-host Dr. David Madow. In this episode two, thanks so much for being with us, actually it’s a fairly new podcast. Well of course its episode two, it’s a fairly new podcast, but if you missed episode one that’s where Rich and I pretty much started the whole thing. We gave you a good, I don’t know probably 35 minutes of information about how and why we’re doing this, and how we’re going to help you and a little bit about how we got to where we are right now, and I think you’ll find it really entertaining and fun, hey it might have been 30 or 35 minutes, I can’t remember but it’s going to be worth, if you haven’t heard it yet it’s going to be worth a listen. So check that out and we’re back here today with episode two and today we’re actually going to be sharing with you one trait that most successful dentists share. Now I’ll give you a hint, it’s not about clinical abilities but you probably knew that anyway, and strangely it might not even be, it’s not even about excellent business skills but you need that. So what is it? What are we talking about? Well Rich is going to come on in one second and share that with you, not only once Rich comes on we promise if you heard the first episode we promised that within the first minute or two of every single episode we do, we’re going to share something with you that is going to help you in your practice like right away. So even if you choose and we hope this is not the case but even if you chose to only listen to the first few minutes of each episode, you’re going to get something that is absolutely going to help you. So having said that I’m going to turn it over to my brother and co-host Dr. Rich.
Dr. Richard Madow: Hey thanks Dave, this is Rich your co-host. You can call me Dr. Richard Madow but you don’t have to, calling me Rich is fine and like Dave said right off the bat, we’re going to give you something that will save you a ton of money, and this is for every single dental practice. It will take money out of your overhead and right into the doctor’s pocket automatically. Before, don’t hang up the phone when I tell you what it is, we’re not even on the phone, but a lot of times I say that because you’ll get phone calls random to your office saying ‘hey we can save you money on credit card processing,’ and most of them are total BS, but I got to tell you there’s a brand new way to do credit card processing, kind of like when Amazon and eBay and Google and Facebook came onto the scene. They were disruptors, they were brand new ways to do things, and the same is true with Fattmerchant. Fattmerchant is a credit card processor that does not charge you a percentage above what the credit card companies charge. You can’t deal directly with Visa, Mastercard, Amex, there’s always a middleman and that’s your credit card processor, and they charge you a fee above what Visa, Mastercard & Amex charge. Fattmerchant doesn’t do that, they just charge a really low monthly fee and after that you’re saving money. So we’ve recommended this to dental practices and many are saving hundreds a month, some are saving thousands a month. So check it out it’s called Fattmerchant, we’ve got a page just for you and remember it’s fat with two t’s. So, I’m going to spell it out just go to fattmerchant.com/lp/madow, that’s M-A-D-O-W. So again Fattmerchant, fat with two t’s .com/lp.madow M-A-D-O-W. You can get some more information, we’ve got a special Madow deal for you, of course as we like to do everything we recommend. So, go do it, start saving money on credit card processing right away, goes right into your pocket. All right that’s your money saving tip of the day love it, we use it here.
Dr. David Madow: We do, yeah, yeah.
Dr. Richard Madow: At the Madow Center for Dental Practice Success, it saves us money. So, you should to.
Dr. David Madow: If we use it, it’s got to be good right?
Dr. Richard Madow: Well hey we’re not doing it for our health, we’re doing it the save money and it’s simple to use too. So Dave mentioned there was a trait that all successful dentists share and we’re going to tell you what it is. It’s likeability, because if you’re likable people want to be around you. They want to listen to you, they trust you and they want to tell their friends all about you. So being likeable really can cover up a lot of ills. You know it’s if you’re that person that everybody wants to be around and talk about, you’re going to be likable and you will have a successful practice. Now some people are naturally likable and they’re gifted and that’s great, but not everybody is, some people are maybe a little more introverted or just don’t have, you know you could be a great person but not just have that likability factor. So we’re to give you ten ways ten tips to make you likable and they absolutely work. So Dave why don’t you start, how about if you do one, three, five, seven, you get the pattern there.
Dr. David Madow: Nine, eleven, thirteen, we’re only doing ten, so.
Dr. Richard Madow: You’ve got to stop after nine. I’ll do two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate and by the end of these ten tips, our listeners are going to be much more likable.
Dr. David Madow: Likeable, I like that Rich I’ll start with number one, before I do number one though I want to ask you our listener because we mentioned this in the first episode, in case you didn’t get it or listen to the first episode, every single episode we do, we’re picking out kind of a little theme song or a very small part of a song and it should tie in with our theme that we do. So did you catch it today? Did you catch it yet if you heard it? We might play it one more time we’re not sure, but let us know.
Dr. Richard Madow: I’ve got to say it’s pretty darn obvious. So if you didn’t catch it well.
Dr. David Madow: But we’re going to be doing this every episode, so feel free to send us an email: firstname.lastname@example.org and just let us know ‘hey I caught that here’s what it is blah, blah,’ you know whatever, so we’re having some fun with it. So yeah I’ll do the first one and the first one is actually, so likeable people focus on people more than anything else. You know when you talk to a patient or a team member, focus on them and here’s a tip for you. Truly listen to what they have to say, don’t think about how you feel, you know what you’re going to say next, because I tell you Rich I was always guilty of this. I think also speaking to audiences over so many years, let’s face it a dentist in a dental practice is kind of speaking to an audience.
Dr. Richard Madow: It’s like your own little stage.
Dr. David Madow: Yeah it could be a one person audience, but I learned this because like we’re stage doing a seminar, doing a talk whatever it might be doing. It’s you know we’ve got to, if somebody asked a question or somebody comes up to especially after we’re on stage we’ve got to listen to them and focus on them and not worry about like ‘what am I going to say next, what am I going to say,’ but it’s like such an art, but when you when you get it, when you zero in on it, it makes all the difference in the world and as you said when you are dealing with patients that really like you, and trust you and think that you’re truly engaged and listening it makes all the difference in the world. So, start trying to do this, start right now, today focus on people, listen to them, be truly engaged with them, don’t be in the outer space and worrying about what you’re going to say next, listen, you’d be surprised how much you learn.
Dr. Richard Madow: You know they say you have two ears and one mouth for a reason.
Dr. David Madow: For a reason exactly.
Dr. Richard Madow: And if you’re thinking about what you’re going to say next, you cannot one hundred percent listen and focus. You know there’s an old story we have, it’s actually not an old story about the Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr thing, but we’ll get to that in another episode.
Dr. David Madow: That’s a good one, it’s about listening, but before you do number two and I know you know we need to spend just a short amount of time because we’ve got to get all ten of this but were you ever guilty of the first one about not being truly focusing on the person speaking to you?
Dr. Richard Madow: Of course everybody is guilty of that, and I have to admit especially if I find that person dull or boring my mind drifts away but if you really, really want to be the likable person, you’ve got to listen to even the person that’s boring the heck out of, especially if they’re your patient and they deserve it, they deserve your time.
Dr. David Madow: Okay do number two.
Dr. Richard Madow: Fantastic number two, likeable people are truly authentic. And what does this mean exactly? It means that you’ve got to be yourself, but be the best version of yourself but don’t try to be anyone else. I know speaking of seminars Dave not only do we present and teach in seminars but we love attending seminars and sometimes you’ll go to a seminar and that person will be teaching you to be like them, but the bottom line is you’re not them, you’re you. And it reminds me of an old seminar I saw years ago in the eighty’s, it was Earl Estep, long retired. I think he’s still with us, I hope; he is a great guy, one of the pioneer dental lecturers, and somebody raised their hand and said ‘well I went to a Dick Barnes seminar now we love Dick Barnes, he’s great but he’s one of those dynamic people,’ and the guys saying, this kind of nerdy guy saying ‘well Dick Barnes said to do that, Dick Barnes said to do this and it’s not working, what’s the problem?’ And Earl Estep said ‘I’ll tell you the problem, the problem is you aren’t Dick Barnes,’ and he was right. You can’t be someone else, be the best version but be yourself, be authentic. People can sense when you’re authentic and when you’re BSing them.
Dr. David Madow: You know I want to be you one day Rich, is that possible?
Dr. Richard Madow: Well you know a lot of people do but not only do I feel sorry for them but it’s impossible.
Dr. David Madow: I’ve got to be David Madow for now I guess-
Dr. Richard Madow: Right, I want to be Bob Dylan but you know I can’t, I can’t, I’ve got to be me.
Dr. David Madow: Number three is that likeable people enthusiastically love life. Now let me ask you something, forget even the dental practice right now but when you go into a restaurant or some type of business, and somebody is helping you, waiting on you, serving you, whatever it might be you can tell within fifteen seconds if they’re loving life, enjoying themselves, enjoying what they’re doing or they’re just pissed off and hating their life. Well you know something, I don’t know about you but I would much rather be engaged and doing business with and having somebody help me that is truly loving their life and happy. So it’s the same thing in your office, your patients can tell within seconds if you’re there and you’re just going through the drudgery and you’re not liking your life, and guess what they’re not going to want to stick with you like that. So, if you’re truly not loving your life, I’ve got to tell you something I’ll speak for me and Rich can speak for himself. I truly love my life, I mean it’s not just work but I’ve got a beautiful wife, a family and we do a lot of great things. I love my life and I think it comes through when I’m talking to other people, and I think Rich, I know you are the same way as well. So if you’re not truly loving your life figure out what’s wrong, figure out what’s wrong and it’s beyond the scope of this of this episode today to tell you how to fix that, but you know what to do even if it means seeking some help somewhere. If you’ve not happy, if you’re not loving your life, try to fix it, because I’m telling you something it’s going to come through to your patients, and they’re going to go somewhere else. They’re going to go to a doctor who is loving his or her life, I promise you.
Dr. Richard Madow: You know I’ve got to tell you, people frequently ask me like ‘how are you so happy all the time?’ And I have no idea, I just love life, I do things I like doing, I love my career, I love my friends, my family, the way that I spend my time. So, it’s just good to do the things that make you happy, yeah and love your life.
Dr. David Madow: And it shows, and it shows, it shows through in seconds.
Dr. Richard Madow: How many times have you been in to see a dentist or a physician or a lawyer or an accountant or whatever and they just seem to be not happy, not necessarily miserable but just very blasé about everything it’s quite a turn off. Yeah okay number four, really likable people are not big on small talk. I’m a really anti small talk, I can’t stand when I sit down on the airplane and the person next to me just says ‘so are you going home, or on a trip somewhere?’ Like you know ‘is Baltimore home or your destination,’ it’s like ‘come on man you can do better than that.’
Dr. David Madow: ‘Work a pleasure.’
Dr. Richard Madow: Exactly.
Dr. David Madow: ‘Work a pleasure.’
Dr. Richard Madow: Oh, I can’t stand that stuff.
Dr. David Madow: And why do they all talk like with accents like that?
Dr. Richard Madow: They just happen to.
Dr. David Madow: ‘Work or pleasure.’
Dr. Richard Madow: Maybe that’s number one, and I guess you know sitting next to a stranger on an airplane is one thing, we’ll give them a free pass. But in general, you can have two types of conversation, small talk or conversations to make real emotional connections and that doesn’t mean you have to start asking deep probing questions about someone’s personal secrets, but it means try to make your conversation at least a little meaningful. Every time a patient comes in and you say ‘oh how’s your day going, happy Tuesday.’ Well I don’t know, I think people kind of catch on to that BS pretty quickly. So be authentic, have real conversations that make connections, don’t overdo it, you don’t have to be the shrink to every patient that you have but at least try to have a somewhat meaningful conversation with them.
Dr. David Madow: Remember there was a company we still call Rich, and we had some guy would answer the phone and we’d always say ‘so hey how’s it going today?’ He would always have the same response, it would be let’s say it was Monday say ‘hey how are you doing,’ ‘not bad for a Monday.’ I mean you could just tell that was so canned.
Dr. Richard Madow: So forced, the ultimate small talk. I’d rather even hear about the weather. I mean you know the guy’s in a different city, ‘how are you doing?’ ‘I’m feeling great but you know it’s a horrible rainstorm here today,’ at least that’s somewhat interesting.
Dr. David Madow: It’s something-
Dr. Richard Madow: Better than ‘not bad for a Monday.’
Dr. David Madow: ‘Not bad for a Monday,’ I think they all have that accent.
Dr. Richard Madow: Just picture that place like a big poster on the wall that just said Monday, and then Tuesday it said Tuesday.
Dr. David Madow: No he said that all the time, even when I called on Friday he said ‘not bad for a Monday.’
Dr. Richard Madow: It’s really bad.
Dr. David Madow: That’s really bad.
Dr. Richard Madow: Today is Monday.
Dr. David Madow: Okay number five is that likeable people treat everybody with respect. Now I’ll tell you something in my life over the years I’ve just learned this, it’s I don’t know I mean it just comes naturally, I guess but I don’t like to look down on somebody because this person happens to be serving me, or they might be cleaning the floor, cleaning the restroom where I am. I try my best to treat every single person I come in contact with, with the ultimate respect, whether they’re you know a waiter or waitress serving me in a restaurant, a bank teller, the janitor I just treat everybody else, I don’t size them up and ‘oh this person’s wealthy I’ll treat them really well and this person’s almost destitute.’ I mean I’ll treat a homeless person with respect until they start to ask me a million times for money over and over and then I start to maybe get a little irritated, but really every human being and every animal to I try my best to treat with total respect, and again when you do that you become more likable.
Dr. Richard Madow: Okay number six is likeable people have integrity. As they say kind of a cliché but they don’t talk the talk, they actually walk the walk. Have integrity, I got to tell you it’s amazing how many times again just relating this to our business. We will have a speaker as a guest in one of our seminars, and they’ll be on stage saying how they’re honest and ethical and this and that and then backstage you get to know them a little better, they’re full of crap. We see it all the time, we see people that claim to be professional, ethical people that will lie to right to your face, and I got unfortunately this happens to us many times in owning this business. Well those kind of people don’t turn out to be very likeable. So be honest, be ethical, don’t just walk the walk, talk the talk and it also means don’t gossip about others, don’t demean other people, don’t look down on other people, just be ethical. I’ll recommend a book really quickly that if you’re trying to improve in this area, I think it will be extremely helpful it’s called The Four Agreements. One of my favorite books of all time, I know Dave you’ve read it you really enjoy it.
Dr. David Madow: Love it, love it.
Dr. Richard Madow: It will really help you in being honest, being ethical, walking the walk, talking the talk, treating others respectfully all these things, good project read The Four Agreements and stick to them, and nobody’s perfect.
Dr. David Madow: That’s one thing, reading is one thing but Rich I wonder how many people read that book and say ‘oh that was a good book,’ and then you know a minute later they’re breaking one of those four agreements, I bet it happens all the time.
Dr. Richard Madow: I think most people buy the book and never read it.
Dr. David Madow: Well with any book I think, I think like most books like never get finished.
Dr. Richard Madow: Yeah, I’ve seen that statistic, I can’t remember what it is but it’s-
Dr. David Madow: I wonder what it is.
Dr. Richard Madow: I think over ninety percent; a huge percentage never get finished.
Dr. David Madow: I’m quite sure, you read the first few pages, you know within the first few pages, the first chapter whether you really like a book or not and people just-
Dr. Richard Madow: The Four Agreements I think you have to read several times for it to really sink in, but it’s an easy read, it’s worth it.
Dr. David Madow: It’s funny, the first time I read it I read it I think on audio.
Dr. Richard Madow: You read it on audio, wow.
Dr. David Madow: I think they read it on audio and then I got the hard hardcover and then the hardback, whatever you call it hard copy and then read that. It’s it really is a life changer, I believe it.
Dr. Richard Madow: I like the paperback because it’s a book that really can get highlighted, and these days I just go back and read my highlighted areas.
Dr. David Madow: Good idea yeah.
Dr. Richard Madow: So it’s kind of like you know your own personal version when you do that.
Dr. David Madow: The lazy version; can I borrow your book just to read the highlighted areas, is that possible?
Dr. Richard Madow: You could but it wouldn’t be the same. I’m thinking of publishing the highlighted version.
Dr. David Madow: Oh yeah not bad.
Dr. Richard Madow: Great book anyway.
Dr. David Madow: Number seven Rich before I even reveal what it is, have you ever spoken to anybody, you know you get into a conversation with this individual whoever it might be and whenever you say something, and you might talk about like a trip you just went on or a restaurant and then you tell them that and then their first come back is ‘oh that sounds really good but I did something better,’
Dr. Richard Madow: Well I’ve got to tell you I’ve been in more of those conversations than you have.
Dr. David Madow: I see you’re one of those people, but can’t stand.
Dr. Richard Madow: I can’t stand it either.
Dr. David Madow: The people who try to one up you know as a doctor or a team member, whoever you are might be listening to this when patients talk with you listen to them, be happy for what they’re doing, listen to them but don’t try to again one up them and say ‘oh yeah well you did that but I did,’ don’t be the dominant talker, your patients a lot of them, believe it or not they come to your office and they just want to be heard. They’re there for dental care of course but they want they want to engage in a conversation, they want to have somebody to listen, so the last thing you want to do is kind of brag about what you’re doing ‘oh my house is bigger, my car is better, I went on a better vacation, don’t even go there.’ In fact don’t even talk about yourself, you don’t need to do that at all, listen, be happy for what they’re telling you, and that’s pretty much it.
Dr. Richard Madow: Yeah someone would say like ‘doc I got a crazy story that happened to me, you won’t believe this, I was on an airplane and this and this,’ and ‘oh it’s nothing compared to when I fell out of an airplane,’ people do it all the time.
Dr. David Madow: Yeah too much.
Dr. Richard Madow: Number eight, I don’t think we need to spend a lot of time on this one, smile especially in dentistry but in every aspect of life. Have a smile on your face, sometimes there’s just nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile but it’s so important, it radiates through your entire being and others can feel it too, and I don’t know if you have a comment but that’s all I want to say about that, have a big smile on your face, not a stupid shit eating grin as people say, but a real authentic smile.
Dr. David Madow: It’s really sure I’ve noticed in the past few years, if when you’re talking to somebody, if you just, if you look them in the eye which lets them know that you’re interested and you’ve got a smile on your face, it’s like worth a million bucks, there’s no question about it. So we’re both smiling, Rich and I are looking at each other in studio both smiling at each other.
Dr. Richard Madow: Mine’s a little forced.
Dr. David Madow: Number nine is that likable people, they make an effort to look their best but you know they don’t overdo it. So, you know you can imagine of course neither of us are going to recommend you look like a schlub or a schlep. Is there a difference being a schlub and a schlep?
Dr. Richard Madow: I think a schlub is more like-
Dr. David Madow: Unkempt.
Dr. Richard Madow: Yeah unkempt.
Dr. David Madow: Well a Schleper is kind of well a schlep is kind of like schlepy.
Dr. Richard Madow: Kind of like Schleper.
Dr. David Madow: Don’t look messy, don’t look like you know but again on the other hand don’t overdo it and overcompensate it, be one of these people. If you’re a male or female you don’t overdo it with makeup, don’t overdo with jewelry, you don’t have to wear the most expensive clothes in the world, you don’t have to have like all the products on your face and your hair to look perfect. I say look like a normal person and don’t try to look like you’re a flipping millionaire either with like all this fancy stuff, just look regular and I think you’ll be easier for your patients to accept you and kind of identify with you, and bond with you but just look like a neat regular person.
Dr. Richard Madow: Yeah clean well groomed.
Dr. David Madow: Yeah exactly.
Dr. Richard Madow: Yeah clean clothes, they don’t have to be fancy clothes but clean well pressed, tucked in if they’re supposed to be tucked in, shoelaces tied, just look like you put some effort into it.
Dr. David Madow: Good groomed but not like overly made up or fancy, fancy jewelry and all that’s, I think that’s a little overboard in my opinion.
Dr. Richard Madow: Make sure your toupee’s on straight.
Dr. David Madow: Is mine?
Dr. Richard Madow: Yours a little bit off to the left or to the right; I’m kind of a mirror image. Okay number ten, final way to be likable and that is respect the opinions of others. I think needless to say with your patients don’t get into politics or religion or hot topics like that, but no matter what the topic you’re not going to agree on everything and you’re not going to believe or agree with everything you hear, but at least listen and respect the opinions of other people, you know if you’re a likable person, you recognize that there’s fact and there’s opinion and you realize that everybody sees things differently. So, don’t get involved in debates with people, and try to respect opinions that are different than yours and when you do, it really shows through people liking you more. I mean if you want to say politics for example just say you know fifty percent of the people are on one side and fifty percent on the other that means that you’re not going to agree politically with half the people you meet. But do you want them to think you hate them? No, you want them to think that you respect them. So just try to really listen, understand opinions and respect those of others.
Dr. David Madow: Important point and I think all ten a really good, so if you’re listening to this and you want to make sure you got them all, go back, listen, make sure you’re doing pretty much all ten of these because there’s nothing we’re giving you that’s like so far out there that I like three out of the ten, no, no you should be doing, these are all of them; it’s not like pick and choose, it’s every single one of them is really important, so hey.
Dr. Richard Madow: Hey let’s just wrap it up with a quote from this guy, this author Travis Bradbury who actually helped us come up with some of these concepts, and his quote really wraps the whole thing up. It’s about likeable people he says and I just read this ‘they think about other people more than they think about themselves, and they make other people feel liked, respected, understood and seen. Just remember the more you focus on others the more irresistible you’ll be.’
Dr. David Madow: It’s kind of the theme of the whole show today, focus on others and not on yourself when you’re in conversations or in any kind of relationship with these people. It’s not about you, it’s about them so that’s good stuff.
Dr. Richard Madow: Who doesn’t want to be irresistible?
Dr. David Madow: Exactly, exactly so before we end today’s show we have a brand new little segment here. Well we didn’t do it in the first episode intentionally because the first episode was just kind of an intro, but we think we’re going to do it pretty much all the time now, it’s called the call of the day. Well we call a dental office and ask a simple question, it could be your dental office but we’re going to be beeping out, we’re going to beep it out, we’re not going to identify it, but it’s dental offices in the US of A and we’re just going to ask a simple question. So, go ahead and let’s have a listen.
Voice mail: Thank you for calling, for quality of service this call may be recorded.
Female Speaker: May I help you?
Dr. David Madow: Yes, how much is the cleaning please?
Female Speaker: With x-rays that brings you about two hundred dollars.
Dr. David Madow: Great thank you so much; appreciate that.
Female Speaker: Okay.
Dr. Richard Madow: OMG, the call lasts ten seconds, remember is a potential new patient, they’re worth money to your practice, some would say ten thousand dollars. There was zero effort made to have that person come into the practice, they didn’t even do it incorrectly, they just didn’t do it. There was no effort made to make sure that patient with a totally legitimate question becomes a patient in that practice, unbelievable.
Dr. David Madow: Hey you know what I think we should do, we didn’t talk about his ahead of time but we should probably give it like a grade like A through F.
Dr. Richard Madow: Let’s do it.
Dr. David Madow: How would you grade that one?
Dr. Richard Madow: You have to say F.
Dr. David Madow: I have to say F.
Dr. Richard Madow: I mean you could say the F means totally horrible, you know condescending, cranky mean person which this person was not.
Dr. David Madow: No they weren’t but-
Dr. Richard Madow: But they made no effort to get that person in.
Dr. David Madow: And they will never be able to contact that person again, that person was obviously looking for a new dentist and when they just said ‘okay thank you,’ and hung up, that’s the end.
Dr. Richard Madow: You’re right, no contact info.
Dr. David Madow: Nothing, we have to give an F.
Dr. Richard Madow: My favorite part was how they said ‘we’re recording this call for quality control purposes.’ Well I don’t think you’re listening to your recorded calls because if you did they wouldn’t be that bad, like what happens now with this recorded call, does anybody listen to it or critique it or help that person become a better team member?
Dr. David Madow: That’s to be determined, maybe not, who knows but we’ll do another call of the day next episode but until then-
Dr. Richard Madow: Maybe to you.
Dr. David Madow: Give us your number; we will call you, until then hey it was great hanging with you today, I’m Dr. David Madow.
Dr. Richard Madow: Dr. Richard Madow we are your co-hosts on The Dental Practice Fixers and we’ll see you next time.
Meet the Madow Brothers
Dr. David Madow
Influencer, Speaker, Author & Coach at The David Madow Lifestyle Show + Co-founder of The Madow Center for Dental Practice Success.
Dr. Richard Madow
International Keynote Speaker, Author, Award Winning Musician & Composer, Coach and Co-founder of The Madow Center for Dental Practice Success.